Our travels took us to some pretty rural areas. On several occasions, we witnessed things that were less than pleasing, frequently at the local supermarket. One particularly traumatic event involved dirty kids, screaming parents and fairly obvious substance abuse. A passing conversation overheard in the checkout line provided more information than I wanted to know. Those events provoked me to write the following ditty.
Here's to Jed, of hillbilly fame. I saw him out there, so toothless and lame.
Hillbilly one, hillbilly all; I saw him again, down at the mall.
Yellow of eye, and missing a tooth, he's easy to spot and socially uncouth.
Driving his truck, carrying ATV, when he's not out hunting, he's watching TV.
He loves his whiskey, he loves his beer. First time I saw him, there was hair in his ear.
Boots are his shoes, his hair is a mullet, there's zits on his face and a chain on his wallet.
There's mud on his truck and rust on the paint. His ride looked so bad, it made me feel faint!
Looking for Jed? Seeking his lair? Visit the trailer park, you'll find him there.
Jed has a wife, she's ugly and fat. She dresses in jeans and wears an old hat.
A toothless smile, cigarette on her lips, she passes me by with monstrous hips.
Her hair is short, his hair is long. She wears the pants, Jed wears a thong!
Jed needs a shave and so does his wife. What could be worse? She carries a knife!
His wife is quite homely but it's respect that she craves. You might even like her if her kids would behave.
But the kids are all dirty and their clothes are all tattered, and she goes along as if none of this mattered!
She loves her kids and will to her grave, she yells at them all, but they don't behave.
He screams at her, she screams right back, they both scream at the kids like they're on the rack!
They snort their meth, they smoke their weed; but their kids are all dirty and always in need.
They live in a trailer with tires on the roof. Whenever they're home, they drink 90 proof.
They love their liquor, they love their beer. Whenever they're drinking, the kids live in fear!
Yard full of cars, none of them run. He says he collects them, but only for fun.
They're NASCAR fans, that is no lie. Say some detraction, they'll spit in your eye!
Chaw in his cheek, cigarette on his lip, he looked at me blankly and gave me a tip.
"There's an error in my ways, but it's all the same.
Uncle Sam and his taxes, that's what to blame!
Yes I'm a low life, yes its a shame, but I did not cause this, I'm not to blame!
Just give me the welfare and you will see, I'll get a new truck and then a TV.
I'm not at fault, it's not my way, if the state would just pay me, I'd leave today."
Jed, Jed the hillbilly name. Once you've seen one, they all look the same.
| Previous Adventure | ||
Photos and Text Copyright Bill Caid 2008, all rights reserved.
For your enjoyment only, not for commercial use.